Monalisa - II

Boy! Melody was on a mission to wreck me! We bought five hundred thousand naira worth of expensive girly stuff and I couldn’t complain because Melody and I have gone through the gutter and back, she has stuck with me no matter what, she is my cliched sister from another mother and she deserves every bit of our purchase. I really just wish they did not cost so much. After taking selfies,

photo credit: pinterest.com 

a grinning Melody and I were headed towards the counter when I saw him half way through and oh my G! I turned to liquid. “uh, why have you stopped walking?” Em’s voice brings me back to consciousness “what?” I reply without taking my eyes off him, she traces my gaze, giggles in understanding and slaps me hard on my butt “he is cute but do not be so obvious” she whispers loudly “It’s not because he is cute dummy, he is my ex. The ex, remember?” She gasps, “The ex?” She repeats in her favorite Cameron Diaz expression. I nod my head “shit! Should we leave? We can leave. I don’t mind.” There is no way I am going to leave this shopping mall because of him “Come on girl, I am no coward. As of right now, he does not exist” I lie to myself.

 “I know that face babe, you don’t ha...”

 “I don’t what? Let’s go.” The vision that turned my insides to mush is a handsome ,honey skinned, hazel eyed, 6 foot 2, embodiment of ripped muscles, perfect dentition that comes with a heart rending smile and exquisite dress sense that is my ex boyfriend, Phil. Hmm.. He has changed his hair cut from the lush sporty waves he used to wear to an army haircut. Damn! He looks better than ever. Silly, he should. I haven’t seen him or spoken to him in 3 years. How could he still affect me this way after everything? I’m a mess, gosh! I am so silly. I am going to ignore the hell out of him. He doesn’t fucking exist Mona! Get a grip.

“Will you be paying cash or with a credit card? The attendant asks.

“both.” I hand her 300k and my credit card. She is taking too long with packaging everything.

“Stop tapping your feet Mona, they would think we stole the money or something”  I give her the eye but heed her advice.

“Lisa?”

“Uh Oh” Melody says under her breathe. Shit, He’s seen me.

“Lisa” he walks up to me from the third attendant on my right.

“Phil?” I feign surprise. “Wow, what are you doing here?

“I knew it had to be you, no one else has those endless legs” he says in his rich voice and comes closer to hug me but I offer my hand instead which he lifts to his pink soft lips and kisses it. Soft lips? Get a frigging grip Mona! I clear my throat and snatch my hand.

“This is Melody my best friend. Melody, Phil.” He offers his hand which she looks at like it is covered in feces and nods her head at him instead. He drops his hand into his pocket and tells her it is nice to meet her to which she harrumphed.

He gets his packed purchases just as we get ours and walks with us in silence while two security guards help with our packs. I tip them once we are outside the mall. They thank us and leave.

“Do you girls have a ride? I could drop you off.”

“You do not have to do that, we are fine. Our cab guy is on the way” Em replies him harshly.

“I really do not mind feisty, it would be my pleasure” He replies in a harsher cum sarcastic tone.
Em gasps. 
I should have warned her about his sharp tongue. I have to balm up Em's wounds else she would be hauling insults at him and his entire generation for the rest of the day.
Addressing me, he asks, “Which way are you girls going?”

“Like she said, we are fine.”

“Lisa, its cl...”

Melody retorts “What is this? Are you a serial killer or something? Is this how you abduct your victims? We said we are fine so piss off Everest.” There is a brief pause after which Phil and I burst out laughing, Em looks at us embarrassed and confused.

Amidst laughter I say “I am so sorry Em, but come on babe, Everest? That’s the best you could come up with?

“Whatever” she stomps off leaving our purchases with me. To my surprise, Phil goes after her leaving me alone.
My phone rings, it’s Yemi.

“Aunty Abeg no vex, I still dey mainland and hold up too much."

“No problem, you get any person this way wey fit come carry me?”

“Ha! Aunty nobody o! Make I ask somebody first, I go call you back” 
Damn it! Where are those two? They both approach from a corner laughing. How?

“Lisa, l think Phil is the perfect gentleman opposed to what you told me about him?”
What? Lisa? Since when does Melody call me Lisa? And why is she smiling goofily? I chuckle uncomfortably.

“I seem to be at a disadvantage here Lisa, what exactly did you tell her about me?”

This is pissing me off. “You know exactly what I told her” I reply dryly. It starts drizzling and just then, I figure out how to spite him. Turning to him, I say, “My cab guy can’t make it and since you have offered to be our chauffeur, you might as well put our bags in the boot. Be quick about it.” I grab his car keys smiling with my lips and teeth.

Melody joins me in the back seat. “Lighten up Liz...”

"Don’t call me that.” I retort.

“So I cannot call you Lisa but he can?”

"You are supposed to have my back and you both come back looking like newlyweds, what the fuck babe?” I am beyond vexed and there she is smiling.

“You started it.”

“Uggh... You are so petty. How was I supposed to know he was going to laugh?”

“Figure that out next time Lisa”

He joins us in the car, sweat on his fore head. This pleases me.

“Girls, your bags feel like you bought the entire mall!

“14, Brooks street off Hibiscus drive. That’s where we are going." I say condescendingly.

“Yes ma’am” he replies and starts the engine. Sade Adu’s kiss of life vibrates through the car.

“You have such great taste in music Phil, I am impressed.”

"Thank you Em, I could make a compilation for you."

“That would be awesome” and they chat away like I don’t even exist. God! I’m angry. He is even calling her EM!

“Here we are." He announces as he stops in front of our building. Nice neighborhood.”

Melody giggles. If I hear one more giggle from her, I swear, I would strangle her.

“Thank you Phil” Melody sweetly replies.

 I get out of the car and go into the house. Minutes later, they both enter with our purchases.

“It was nice meeting you Em”

“Same here, thanks for helping us out”

“Glad I could be of assistance. Hope to see you soon Lisa” I ignore him. How can he not be mad?

“Lisa, Phil is saying bye” I am so going to kill Melody.

“Oh, is he?” I smile sweetly “Goodbye Phil, don’t come back” I turn on the Tv and turn it up loud.

Em, joins me on the sofa after she walks him out. I am battling with mixed feelings sadness with a tinge of jealousy and I can’t tell if it’s from Melody’s betrayal or because he seemed more into her than me or because she clicked with him and just then, she says,

“He is not so bad, cool guy actually and I think Lisa suits you better than Mona” I look at her in disbelief.

“What? It’s the truth”

“Don’t talk to me” I say and storm into my bedroom slamming the door.

 It is a chilly Saturday evening; my best friend and I are cozied up in duvets seeing Jerry Springer’s Baggage when the door bell dings. Melody bought me dinner the previous Saturday by the way, we apologized to each other and made up. Melody looks at me,

“Expecting anyone? I shake my head in the negative.

I look through the peep hole and run over to Em.

“Who is it?" She asks.

“it’s Phil" Her face lights up and I roll my eyes.
"If he asks after me, I"m not in. She frowns asking the obvious question why.
I can’t see him, I just can’t." 
I run into my bedroom just as the door bell dings again...